So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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