she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my being single is dangerous.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
