I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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