Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
