i wish my penis had a tongue
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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