You were right. It hurts to walk today.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
