In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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