What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
