he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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