I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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