She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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