Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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