can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I pour the whiskey from now on
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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