should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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