Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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