he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
