she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
