Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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