Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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