Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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