Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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