Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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