My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
