oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
