return my video game
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
