I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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