if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
