Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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