Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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