I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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