I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we should paint friendship bongs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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