i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
