As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
