So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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