Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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