dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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