That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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