I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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