Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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