The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
FUCK WHALES
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
