so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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