who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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