so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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