i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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