i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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