I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
