Kiss
Puke
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
