Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
