Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
God, I missed his penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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