im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
