Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize