so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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