you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
