oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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