he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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