he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
