hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
