Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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