I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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