I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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