Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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