so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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