Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
