So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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