Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
