Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
