I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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