zippers are such a cool invention
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
