All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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