you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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