Swine flu. Run for my life!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
