She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
