She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
